Your A What?
by Alice Shadowrunner01
Summary: Songfic/story. About all the things i wish you could have told Martin. This is how i think his reaction would be and how hard it would be to get him to really trust you. R
1. Chapter 1

**OK so yet another middle of the nightish story. YEAH!**

** Disclaimer- I do not own Oblivion. I wish I did but I don't and this song belongs to Apocalyptia **

I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to tell him who I really was. What I really was.

An evil murdering assassin and a thief. Not the hero he thought I was.

_ Yeah, but when you tell him he'll get pissed off and try to kill you then where will we be? _I thought to myself.

Walking up the steps of Cloud Ruler Temple, I ran through different ways I could break it to Martin. Even saying his name in my head I felt butterflies in my stomach. How I ever fell for a noble is one thing I will never know. Let alone the fact he is also a priest.

In my head as I continued up the stairs slowly stalling as long as possible I started to play the song I had written to myself in my head.

_Too late - this is not the answer  
I need to pack it in  
I can't pull your heart together with just my voice alone  
A thousand shards of glass I came to meet you in  
You cut the peace out of me_

And as you ripped it all apart,  
That's when I turned to watch you  
And as the light in you went dark  
I saw you turn to shadow  
If you would salvage some part of you that once new love  
But I'm loosing this  
And I'm loosing you

Suddenly I had reached the top of the stairs. I ignored the greetings my friends called to me as I led Shadowmere to the stable. Tieing her to a post in the stable I gave her some hay and brushed her longer than necessary beginning to rethink my idea of telling Martin the truth.

I couldn't believe I was actually afraid. Afraid of what a little aristocrat priest thought about my morale standing. I couldn't believe I was in love with him.

I kept my cloak fitted close around me so none of the blades could see my shrouded armor. I needed proof for Martin when I saw him. I wanted him to know that the incident with his friends dying wasn't the worst that could have happened. He could have become like me.

I had finally reached the doors of the east wing. I was really stalling today.

_**And oh I've gotta turn and run  
From faces that you've never see  
Oh I've gotta save my blood  
From all that you've broken  
And pack up these pieces of me**_

It's too late now to stop the process  
This was your choice - you let it in  
This double life you lead is eating you up from within  
A thousand shards of glass you pushed beneath my skin  
And left me lying there to bleed

I entered the west wing knowing Martin would be asleep.

"Quinn! Your alive I thought you were dead! Its been what three months?" Barus said as I approached the Martin's door.

"Yeh...I have been...caught up in a personal mater..." I said.

_'Oh yeah real personal matter. Murderer. Don't you think Barus would kill you if he even had the slightest clue you were the Listener.'_

"Is Martin up?" I asked praying he was asleep and that Barus would make me wait until morning.

"Yeh... He just came up from working. The kid has done nothing but work his ass off since you left."

Then after another few moments of awkward conversation Barus allowed to me to approach the door. Martin instantly answered after a few soft taps on the door.

"Barus I swear I am getting ready!"

"It's Quinn. Can I come in? I need to talk to you..."

After a few seconds Martin threw open the door and grabbed me giving me a fierce hug thats interaction made my skin tingle. After a quick greeting he invited me into the room and led me to one of the few chairs in it. As he did this I silently casted a spell to prevent eves dropping.

**_And as you showed my your scars  
I only held you closer  
But as the light in you went dark I saw you turn over  
I wanted always to be there for you and close to you  
But I'm loosing this  
And I'm loosing __you_**

And oh I've gotta turn and run  
From faces that you've never see  
Oh I've gotta save my blood  
From all that you've broken  
And pack up these pieces of me

My broken pieces  
My broken pieces

"Whats wrong Quinn? You look worried"

Sighing I stood up throwing back my cloak allowing Martin to see my skin tight armor decorated with knives. The dark coloring of the leather matched my ebony hair perfectly. Martins eye grew very wide as he took in my figure. He knew what the armor meant. All children were told of how the dark brotherhood dressed.

"BARUS!HELP SOMEONE ASSASSIN!" Martin automatically yelled. Yup, the blades had trained him well.

I quickly slammed my hand over his mouth and softly told him-

"They can't hear you. Stop screaming if I was going to kill you I would have come through the window. I need to get this off of my chest."

I took my hand off his mouth and gave him a sad smile.

Then as I told him about joining the Thieves Guild and how I eventually joined the Dark Brotherhood hood after accidentally killing a guard while in the woods.

He just sat staring blankly at me the entire time, and look very sick when I described Lucien's body.

"So thats me an Assassin and a thief. I justed wanted to tell you before you started to really respect me or before I let myself tell you that I...Are you going to say anything?"

"Quinn I think it would be best for you to leave." He said standing up. I only nodded and grabbed my cloak. As I threw it over myself I knew I had been an idiot for coming. He would either yell again or just execute me when he became emperor.

**ME: Did you like this story anyone? Please review.**


	2. When changes occur

I wasn't sure I would return to this but I don't think Quinn's story is finished. I won't be disappearing again. I wrote part of it in 3rd but changed it so it sounds a little wierd. Probably not the best i've written so i may go back and rewrite it. but i really wanted this posted to here it is. Song is by flyleaf In the Dark. I know Jesus or rather christanity isn't in the Elder Scrolls. But this song fits Quinn's cry for salvation which is a bit theme in the story. So if you don't like Christianity please try to put prejudice aside at least for the sake of a story. I

I've written songs in the dark In the dark, in the dark, in the dark

I've felt inspired in the dark In the dark, in the dark, in the dark

I hide myself in the dark In the dark, in the dark, in the dark

Used to be afraid of the dark Of the dark, of the dark, of the dark

Those in the light know we die in the dark In the dark, in the dark, in the dark

I haven't stopped running until Cloud Ruler Temple was far behind. I'd left Shadowmere in Bruma in favor of being completely alone. I wanted to move quickly but silently. I was terrified of running into any of the Blades, terrified of having to face them in that I was an assassin. I was evil and though the Brotherhood was not part the Emperor's assassination you could never be too careful right? So I ran and ran until i came to what I had been searching for.

In a large group of rocks was a small unassuming door to the Bruma sanctuary. I brushed off the Speaker in charge of this sect and made my way into my private room. It large and ornate befitting a Listener. Each Sanctuary had a room for the Listener. Each with various types of decor. But the Bruma one was by the far Quinn's favorite. Maybe it was the walls murals that depicted the history of the sanctuary done by an unnamed genius, or that it was the closest one to Martin.

There's only artificial light here

My flaws hide well here

I used to be afraid of cluttered noises

Now I'm afraid of silence

Fill this space idle words

I'm scared to death of light and silence

Jesus kill me inside this

Raise me up to live again Like You did, like You did

I loved the solitude of this place, it was silent and dark. A place a monster like Myself could live. And here I stayed for weeks slowly growing to hate the silence. It was funny a once Silencer afraid of silence wishing for someone to talk to. Someone to stop her from remembering all she had done. As time continued I found I could no longer take the growing panic in my chest as the silence crashed in around me.

Almost three months after Martin had forced me to leave Cloud Ruler Temple I gathered the courage to finally leave the sanctuary using a secret tunnel into Castle Bruma running into one of the Steward's Quarters. This one was an Imperial named Markus who whose family was sworn to Sithis.

i quickly changed out of my shrouded armor and into a flowery blue dress. As I readied myself in Markus' mirror I noticed my hair. Dark ebony hair, as black as my damned heart in many ways. Before I even realized what I was doing I had grounded blue mountain flowers into a fine paste with a few other flowers and then began to apply it into my hair lathering it in. Hours later when Markus came in to help with touch ups he helped me wash it out and dry my now sapphire blue hair.

"It looks beautiful Listener." Markus said as he ran a comb through her hair.

"Thank you for your help. Your are dismissed and to tell no one I've been here" I said as I braided my new hair and left as Markus swore to obey.

I walked out of the castle gaining no strange looks. Most assumed I was from the mages guild. The new guild had been experimenting with appearance changing magics. It seemed vanity was taking a bigger role in Cyrodil, not that Quinn complained. Blue hair was starting to become fashionable, and besides The Blades wouldn't be looking for someone with blue hair. After all what kind of an assassin wants bright blue hair?

When I reached the Inn on the outside my suspicions were confirmed there sat a wanted poster of the listener of the Dark Brotherhood. With a perfectly drawn picture of me. This hit me the hardest. I guess I would never be welcomed back. Sighing I walked into an alley and did the last thing I could think to do to change my appearance. A different color hair would be a great distraction. But I knew my long hair, braid, and way it fell around my face would make me look similar. So I took a knife and lined it up to the braid and cut it off. As my hair fell around my face at chins length I knew there was no way I could go back to Martin on my own as me. But I knew how to hid myself in the shadows, I knew how to lie. These types of things were needed for an assassin to be successful. How hard could it be to hide behind a new face. Makeup could be my new shadows when in front of those I knew.

Now I am mute despite myself

All of them are gone

The silence overtakes me

The idle words forsake me

And I am left to face me

I'm held accountable for every idle word

Curse the idle words

I'm scared to death of light and silence

Jesus kill me inside this

Raise me up to live again Like You did, like You did

I may no longer be seen as hero by Martin, and I may have fallen into myself for these past months. I was surprised I had not yet killed myself. Though in my head I knew death would be far too easy of an escape for someone like me.

I continued into the inn and listened to various rumors. It turned out that The Blades were planning a visit to the Countess and had an important guest with them that evening. Though no one I spoke with knew of whom. So I did the only thing natural. I broke into the guard barracks stole a uniform and made my way back into the castle. Martin may never want to see me again, but if he didn't know it was me that was another thing entirely. After all they still needed a Hero, just not the Hero of Kvatch.

Glory shows up

Exposes us, I'm naked here

Forsaken here

By the dark, by the dark, by the dark

I'm scared to death of light and silence

Jesus kill me in side this

Raise me up to live again

Like You did, like You did

Yeah so it's pretty short and a bunch of inner thoughts and foreshadowing that is not subtle in anyway shape or form. But still important R&R! And tell me what Quinn's undercover name should be! Do you think Martin should recognize her but not tell jaufree? The next chapter should be longer.


	3. Totally Worthless Guards

Your a What?

**yeah so this has actually been sitting around I totally didn't to think to oh I don't know upload it. So here it is back with Quinn and all of her sarcasm. God this is a great character for a sarcastic outlit.**

Quinn was quite happy with her appearance, having blue hair made her feel very happy, and gave her a new found energy to speak with Martin. Entering back into Bruma's castle was easy, what with all the googly eyed guards who always seem to stare at walls all day. Once in the kitchens she blended quickly in with the other servant girls and was even ordered to take Martin his food.

Stupid people never ceased to amaze her.

Walking into the dining area carrying his food tray she felt a surge of confidence that she could do this. And so the game began.

Throughout the evening she continued to serve Martin without saying a word. Her voice tended to be a very memorable one. And he in all of his beauty was none the wiser, giving her smiles of thanks. Which made Quinn happy and yet disappointed that he was that daft.

Jaufree on the other hand in all of his boring glory, did notice her. From the wide eyed look he gave, but he seemed to have no desire to turn her in. Perhaps he was aware that she was on their side, but then again...No. She wouldn't dwell on it.

To the reputation of Bruma's servants being made up or Nordic idiots, they were wrong. It was made up of stupid imperial idiots, which meant twice the stupid. But twice as easy for Quinn. They even assigned the girl they had never seen as Martin's handmaiden, because she was pretty. It was hard to keep any type of faith in humanity with that mindset.

Not that she minded, she thought to herself as she happily helped Martin undress,mans thanked whatever deity had allowed for there to be no butlers available.

"So dear lady what shall I call you." Martin said after she had helped him.

_Gods his smile is beautiful_

"Antoinette. Antoinette Marie." She said using the name of her dead friend. One she had once mentioned to Martin during her confession. Though he gave no sign of recognition at the name. But then again he was quite a good at masking his emotions. A trait she had taught him.

"A fine name if any." He said smiling at her.

She smiled back trying to ignore her disappointment. But there was still time and he was still here.

"Thank you for your assistance you may go now." And like that Quinn was dismissed as he prepared for bed. Though sleep was one thing Quinn did not have on her mind as she rushed back to the servants quarters and into Markus' quarters. Thankful he wasn't there she changed into her shrouded armor.

Quinn still had business to do and that involved making sure Martin didn't die under the so called "watch" of the guards in castle Bruma. In fact she was able to easily sneak into his room. Because his windows managed to be unguarded. It's like they were daring an assassin to come in. They basically were screaming "WE DON'T CARE!"

Not that Quinn minded it allowed for her to protect him herself. She could rely on herself bette than some nimrod guard.

So Quinn settled down to watch Martin for the night.

The next morning Martin was much more talkative as Quinn helped him to dress. Though it was all about questions of what life in Bruma was like, and Quinn had no freaking clue what to say.

"What do the people around here do?"

_Well their all as boring as the countess and spend their days in the Chapel praying to their useless gods._

"Work hard your majesty. And do their best to make it day by day."

"I thought Bruma was made up of fairly wealthy citizens?"

_And who ever told you that is still laughing that you believed them. A countess doesn't get as big as this one for free. But that's what taxes are for!_

"There are poor everywhere your majesty."

"I suppose that is true. Thank your for your help Antoinette. " And like that she was dismissed again to continue her job of being his only real guard. And for several days this pattern continued as Martin worked with building a friendship with the Countess and it was all strangely uneventful. No murder attempts and to that Quinn was thankful. Though she did continue to drop hints to Martin of who she was he remained oblivious. Or so she had thought until one night, when she decided to eavesdrop on his conversation with Jaufree.

* * *

When they distinguish your name

It may extinguish your flame

I'm gonna take my bow

And disappear into the sound

I'm leaving my cage on the ground

When I take my bow

I'm watching it burn to the ground

See my feet flying up through the clouds

One day distinguish your name (I'm leaving my cage on the ground)

It may extinguish your flame (I'm leaving my cage on the ground)

So trade those ashes for a crown

-_Flyleaf_

**And here is this super late chapter. The song is by Flyleaf, cage on the ground and I do not own it. Or Oblivion for that matter! The lyrics were found on **


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